Here’s the problem:

While I watched this exchange between CNN anchor Fredricka Whitfield, comedian Amanda Seales, and author Steven Santagati, I was appalled and offended by what Santagati, a supposed relationship expert was saying.  As a person who gives advice to others about relationships, he “should” know that: Not every woman is the same or looking for the same thing.

What works to attract one woman will not always work on another woman and the same goes for men. Not every woman would be interested in or would be a good match for every man and vice versa. And being discourteous will not get anyone anywhere with others.

Men who are like Santagati show that they really do not understand women as PEOPLE and the sad part is that they are spreading this lack of information to other guys who are willing to follow them. In his comments, Santagati tried to “explain” “every man’s” reasoning for catcalling by generalizing all women and trivializing women’s responses to catcalling.

His beliefs about women: 

Santagati, in his commentary, tries to negate that there are women who have self-esteem and self-awareness; women who know their value and will give men honest responses. His idea that women wouldn’t care if the catcalling guys were “hot” and that women “love” being told that we’re pretty makes women sound like shallow, indecisive, and needy individuals. There are women who are like this; however, it is not the majority.

Most women want to be treated with respect as do men. If you like someone, talk to them like a human being and they might be willing to give you a chance. Disrespect from anyone is unacceptable even if they are attractive. If a guy is attractive and acts like a jerk, his attractiveness would evaporate in the eyes of the women that he encounters. True, some women can be wooed by “jerks,” but a jerk’s “charm” has an expiration date.

The idea that catcalling is a form of complimenting women:

The words and noises that are uttered to women in the streets and the behaviors that follow are NOT compliments. Rude comments, pick-up lines, and attempts at mating calls sounds are cheesy, inappropriate, and do not work unless the woman is silly enough to take them seriously. Grabbing, groping, ogling, stalking, shouting, and honking at someone are hostile and threatening actions. That is why most women react negatively when we encounter this behavior and that should be obvious.

His implying that this is a feminist plot:

Santagati further dismissing the catcalling issue and mentioning feminism as if there is something wrong with the idea of feminism is another problem. Lots of people throw the feminism word around like it’s a destructive social mission. Sure there are feminist who despise men, constantly bash men for everything, and will use this issue to further that agenda; but that is not what feminism is really about or should be about.

It’s about women empowering ourselves and improving our value and treatment in societies in which we live. No one is walking around begging for “compliments” or to be harassed. Women have bigger issues personally and collectively and should not have to defend our right to walk down the street and not be bothered by rude individuals.

Women who are annoyed by this behavior have the right to say that we are. We’re not against all men, just the ones who are blatantly treating us disrespectfully while we are going on with our daily routines.

His references to culture and women speaking up:

Santagati stated that all men look at women. As a woman, there’s nothing wrong with it unless you are staring weirdly or your eyes are glued to specific body parts enough for it to be noticeable and feel uncomfortable.

Men of all backgrounds catcall women, but not every man behaves this way. The reason for catcalling is not just lack of individual parenting that Santagati mentioned, but also how our society teaches men and women to view and communicate with each other. This catcalling issue is a great example of how there is such a ridiculous divide that bars us from relating to each other as people.

Santagati also boldly stated that women should stand up to catcallers and carry guns, but these are not safe and effective solutions. By communicating our dislike of catcalling and speaking out on social media, we are standing up for ourselves, but people like him are unwilling to hear what we are saying. Shooting catcallers or men who harass women will only help to overcrowd our prisons with our entire population of women and will not solve the problem.

The highlights:

Seales comments were best part of segment and I appreciated her arguments because they were the honest truth. She summed up most women’s feelings regarding this issue especially in NYC with her expressive words and reactions.  Whitfield’s expressions to Santagati’s comments also mirrored what Seales was trying articulate.

The bottom line:

If the majority of women do not like to be catcalled then we shouldn’t have to be subjected to it. If a man really likes a woman, then respectfully and confidently approach her.  If a man is not serious about that woman or if she is not interested, then leave her alone. Compliments are welcomed and appreciated if they are respectful and subtle and/or if we are interested in the man. Anything besides this is unnecessary and needs to stop.