This video went viral earlier this month and has created further dialogue in social media as well as amongst people I know. Even though catcalling may seem like a fleeting trending topic, it is something that needs to be addressed because of its frequency especially in New York City.

There are lots of women who agree with what Hollaback! , the organization behind this video, was trying to demonstrate while there are other women who do not agree. Men also have differing opinions regarding catcalling and Hollaback’s video. For the most part, I am frustrated with the article and video comments that have displayed a lack of understanding of this issue. It is as though some men really do not understand women and neither do some women. I am referring to the men and women who are proudly defending the behavior of the men in this video and the men who are sending rape threats to the actress featured in the video or making misogynistic comments.

The issue of catcalling is not about whether men can approach women or the way some women dress; it is about the way in which some men try to initiate conversations with women and the negative measures that those men take. Imagine that you are walking down a crowded city street on your way to work, home, school, or a social function. How would you feel if people were commenting on your body, telling you to smile, and ogling you like they’re a hungry lion and you’re a gazelle while you are just walking and minding your own business?

On top of that some of those people rudely try to talk to you, demand to get your number, or ask you out for a date. They then become angry because you are not responding to them and they even go as far as to insult or berate you. And then you will bump into the psychos who decide to follow you for blocks or literally chase after you. Also this happens no matter what you happen to be wearing on that day. This is what is unacceptable and irritating to lots of women.

No one is saying that men cannot be attracted to women, approach us, ask us out on dates, exchange pleasantries, or give respectful compliments. How else would anyone meet other people? Nothing wrong with walking up respectfully to a woman and saying: “Excuse me miss…” “Sorry to bother you…” “Hello miss…” And then kindly saying something non-offensive that would break the ice and if further small talk continues, introduce yourself and ask the woman questions that aren’t too personal. Basically anything that shows that the individual approaching the other individual was raised with common sense and etiquette. If the woman IS interested, she will talk to the man; maybe exchange numbers.

Men catcalling in the streets are never polite and behave as though they have an imaginary, social permission to say or do unwarranted things and use demeaning language. These men are catcalling because they feel like they have a right to do so and can get away with it. These men act as if the women walking down the street were made for their gratification and that their opinion matters to these female strangers. Through their words and actions, these men show that these women’s bodies are theirs to comment on and in a lot of cases touch.

Not all men behave this way so why are people acting like this behavior is the norm? It’s okay to look at someone you find attractive, but it is not okay to objectify them. I am sure that most men or the men who catcall women would not like it if their mother, wife/girlfriend, daughter, sister, niece, or other woman they care about was treated this way. The women who are being catcalled deserve the same respect.

Keeping with the idea of respect, most women value who they are inside and do not need the approval of anyone or the affirmation of their beauty to survive. A woman of confidence is secure in her own self and does not care what people think. A woman who is walking down the street and is looking for catcalls to validate her femininity is an insecure woman. And if that’s what some guys want, that’s pathetic and speaks volumes. It is nice to receive respectful compliments whether you are a woman or a man, but it is not crucial. No one wakes up in the morning thinking “I hope I get complimented today.” We choose to “look good” or not to care about “looking good” for ourselves.

Another example of a “compliment” women receive when being catcalled is constantly being told to “smile.” Why is it okay for random men to expect this from women? Why does society insist on this invasive rule that women MUST smile? If a woman is walking down the street and minding her own business, why should she smile if she doesn’t want to? Especially in NYC, people would think that you’re insane or an easy target if you walk around with some gigantic smile on your face. A smile is something that someone should do if they feel comfortable doing. No one tells men to smile; maybe society should tell men to do so, then it would make sense when women are told to do the same.

Let’s also breakdown why women do not always confront these catcallers and choose to ignore their annoying behavior: Telling these men “no” or “leave me alone” DOES NOT always work. Some of these men have the decency to take rejection well or can take the hint of being ignored while others do not. Some will proceed to curse at the woman, call her a “bitch,” say that she’s “ugly,” or insinuate that she’s “stuck up” or “privileged.” Others will not leave the woman alone unless she says that she is already taken even though she might be fibbing just to get him away.

Despite a woman saying that she is unavailable and/or wants to be left alone; this still does not stop some of these men. Many women can testify to not just being catcalled, but stalked, threatened, or worse at least once. I had an incident where a guy followed me into a beauty supply store and chased after me even though I clearly told him I was not interested.

There have also been incidents in the recent news where these encounters have gone more awry. In Queens, New York, a woman was slashed in the throat because she declined a man’s advances and there was another report of a similar incident in that same area. In Detroit, Mary Spears, a mother of three children, was fatally shot by man who was trying to get her number. The man continued to pursue her even though she told him that she was unavailable. Her fiancé and relatives were in the vicinity when the incident happened.

This is not the behavior of the majority men, but it makes it hard to say no or to decipher who we can tell to back off. It becomes a matter of safety in this sense. Being mindful of our safety is something that women have to deal with every day, which is worry that men do not have. Women’s safety is more important than massaging the ego of men who catcall or harass women. Condoning catcalling means that these behaviors are okay and women do not have the right to disagree with something that we dislike. Women who feel this way have the right to voice our opinions and say how we feel about a practice that affects us directly and daily.

Again, this is not meant to bash the whole population of men because there are wonderful men who treat women and other people in general with respect. Also there are men who have taken issue with catcalling because it puts men in general in a negative light. Catcalling is more than a trivial issue; it is about women being treated with dignity.

Catcalling isn’t right and it’s about time that it’s known. There are many people, primarily women who believe this and our views SHOULD be respected.