We grow up believing those who say ‘I’ too much are over-confident or selfish. On the surface, this makes sense. After all, technically they’re making everything about themselves.
We live in a society ruled by social media and self-promotion. We’re rightly being pushed toward increased empathy and compassion as an antidote. Although, is shifting the focus away from ourselves the right thing to do?
Research performed at the University of Texas found that individuals who use ‘I’ frequently tend to be more introspective. They also noticed the overuse of ‘I’ statements in professional settings was perceived as less believable.
The pronouns we use regularly indicate what we’re thinking about. Saying ‘I’ tells others that we’re reflecting on ourselves, but is this a good thing?
Therapists encourage their patients to use ‘I’ statements rather than accusatory language. Focusing on your feelings rather than the aggressor allows you to take responsibility for your reaction.
This doesn’t mean we take on any blame. It sidesteps criticism so that we may move forward constructively without shame.
Naming your emotions and speaking confidently about yourself provides personal strength. It also forces others to look at the impact of their actions. Saying ‘I’ can be powerful. It is a constructive use of self-reflection and confidence.
Outside of conflict resolution, ‘I’ has a very different effect.
If someone asks you a question, there are two ways to structure your answer. The first is to treat the answer as the subject. The second is to insert yourself.
It looks something like this:
What’s the weather like?
- It’s cold
- I think it’s cold.
“I think” dilutes the answer.
In these situations, ‘I’ can imply anything from uncertainty to humility – definitely not the characteristics of a narcissist.
Saying ‘I’ too many times when answering questions conveys that there’s another answer. It allows room for an individual to be wrong. Which again, isn’t a bad thing. Though, beginning a statement by doubting yourself can lead to negative self-talk.
‘I’ is just a pronoun used in place of a proper noun, but its impact is significant. When we are talking about ourselves, we should speak confidently about our feelings, thoughts, and emotions. We are the subject of every sentence that describes ourselves. There is real power in owning that.
On the other hand, when we preface our statements by saying things like “I think this..” or “I don’t know if I..” we strip away a little bit of our power.
There are moments to be introspective, and there are moments to be confident. Finding a balance between the two is a difficult task.
Most importantly, there is no shame in talking about yourself – you are worth talking about. And what you have to say is worth listening to.
Essie Somma is an artist and freelance writer exploring beauty and difficulty within the human experience. She has been traveling full-time for two years, learning about new places and cultures, and bringing all of her experiences to her work. She feels endlessly grateful for getting to share her work with others.
